Disclaimer: This rant is super disorganized and also something I haven't looked at in a while. Its not a reflection of my regular writing style. Regardless, I hope you enjoy. I'm also apparently not allowed to put paragraph breaks... It's weird but whatever.
First of all, Jack is made into a useless old pervert who has “fallen from grace” and becomes someone who he never was. It’s so unrealistic that he would give away his compass. it’s so fucking dumb. He is a pirate first and foremost, and the fact that he would give up HIS FIRST AND ONLY LOVE (THE SEA) for a stupid drink is so disheartening and unrealistic to see. A character is supposed to develop and he did, so much that he literally sacrificed immortality for Elizabeth’s husband who has tried to kill him multiple times.
He also developed emotionally, and kindled something of a budding friendship with Elizabeth and Will, and that made me so happy, because I thought that maybe they would become a piracy trio, fending of mutiny and The East India Trading Company. A crew who truly was a crew, not just by circumstance, but by choice, following a code they CHOSE to honour amongst people they CHOSE to protect. All of that hope and character development was thrown in a burning trash can in the fourth and fifth movies.
Not only did the fourth movie completely surpass all expectations of possible disappointment, the writers introduced a female character that was completely inappropriate. Although some fantastic scenes came out of that movie, the fact that Jack loved a woman and left her negates the character development he had shown in the first three movies. They also did my boy Johnny Depp so dirty with that makeup. Horrid character design on the customers' part… Even more, why would they completely remove Lizzie and Will from the storyline of the fifth and fourth movies? The bond between all of them entranced not just me but I’m sure many other fans. I was fully expecting the fourth movie to be an emotional battle to free Will from the Dutchman in order to win back the ideal crew, where Jack realises he may not be all as tough as he thinks. I was so ready for some angst and I was hoping desperately that Jack would find that life truly was easier when you followed a code of friendship rather than obligation. I literally can't, I bawled so much at the fourth movie and how bad it was. THE ONE GOOD THING WAS THAT HE SACRIFICED IMMORTALITY YET AGAIN, which is then completely ignored because he maroons her on an island and leaves her in an act of cowardice. Jack was never known to be a coward in the movies, but the fourth and fifth paint him to be a coward and this is truly fucking aggravating.
THE FIFTH MOVIE OMFG. I can’t even explain how disappointing that movie was. I can’t believe they made Lizzie go back to her life as a princess. SHE WAS THE FUCKING PIRATE LORD. It pisses me off to no end how the writers give characters advancement and then take it all back simply for the plot of the following movies. Elizabeth became a pirate, married a poor man, and Jack became kind but still courageous and strong, maintaining his core values as a pirate, only for them to retract that. They made Lizzie back into a helpless damsel in distress just like in the first movie, when in reality she was a merciless femme fatale who learned her tricks from one of The Nine Pirate Lords, Barbosa. The writers made Jack a coward when he was anything but, and they turned Will from a strong headed and righteous man, to a weak human bound by a curse he had no control over.
Rather than have them fight to free themselves from their shackles and unite as a crew, they had them regress to the worst versions of themselves. Will saved his father, but didn’t learn from Bootstrap's mistakes when fathering Henry. Lizzie became a strong woman who didn’t need a man, but then proceeded to wait TWENTY years for her husband without making any attempt to find Jack and possibly rescue the love of her goddamn life. I could talk about this for hours but honestly it pisses me off to no end how the writers ended the series. The perfect endings were right in front of them and they missed by so fucking far.
While there are some fantastic scenes that came out of the fourth and fifth movies, I just can’t stay objective and the acknowledgement of those scenes requires that. objectively some scenes are phenomenal, like Disney knows what they are doing. On the other hand, what the actual fuck? The only scenes that are semi good require you to ignore the fact that they completely changed the character for the sake of milking money out of the franchise. It just makes me so mad and honestly devastated. like to the point of fucking anguish. like i’m currently depressed because of their dumbassery. (trying to think of a word that isn’t tomfoolery bc tomfoolery is for funny silly guys like movies one to three jack sparrow, not stupid pervy fifth movies Jack sparrow. Also, My pookie wookie shmukums sugar bacon boo bear Jack Sparrow would never do that.)
Anyways.... Uh- My opinion is my opinion, and obviously I'm always right, but if you disagree thats fine. You can just live with that fact that your opinions are inferior to mine. Peace✌.
